The Birthday of the Year (Or Four Years)
by wikelia
Summary: Toothless, Astrid, and the rest of the gang need to make sure their resident dork has the best birthday ever. Of course, this group contains Ruffnut and Tuffnut. There is NO WAY everything will go according to plan, is there?


If only those dunderheads would shut up, maybe she'd be able to think.

Maybe if Fishlegs would stop making stupid suggestions, she could focus.

Maybe if Snotlout would stop suggesting that they just pour a glass of ice cold water on his head, she'd concentrate.

And maybe, just maybe, if the twins would stop shouting, "HICCUP IS GOING TO BE FOUR!" she'd be able to just plan what to do for Hiccup's birthday.

"Or, or, we just leave him hanging. It'd be a surprise for sure, wouldn't it?"

"Snotlout, stop being so mean. I say we get him a nice book that -"

" _Boring_! What self-respecting four year old wants a BOOK?"

"What self-respecting four year old has enough self-respect to know what they want?"

"You lost me, my good man. But never fear. Tuffnut the Loki Master has a back-up plan!"

"Hey, who said _you_ were the Loki Master?"

"Well, obviously, it's me, sis, I mean, I am the better prankster out of both of us, wasn't I the one who suggested we put bees in -"

"Stop there, Tuff. We don't wanna hear anymore."

"For once, I agree with Snotlout. And you guys are getting off topic. What are we going to do for Hiccup's birthday?"

"Why _are_ we doing something for Hiccup's birthday?"

"Yeah, what's he done for _us_?"

"Guys! Hiccup has done a lot for us, he introduced us to our dragons, he's saved us a lot of times, and -"

"Hey, Fishlegs, better get your head out of Hiccup's-"

"SHUT UP!"

Astrid whipped around furiously. "Can you guys not KEEP QUIET for a few minutes?"

"Is that a rhetartical question, because-"

"Tuff, I swear," she snarled, "if you don't keep quiet, I will take my axe, shove it straight into your head, and _watch_ as you bleed to death. That goes for _all_ of you."

Fishlegs looked a bit dumbfounded. After staring for a good two seconds, he awkwardly looked away and started whistling softly.

Tuffnut crossed his arms, made a funny sound and held out his tongue at her. Astrid's grip on her axe handle tightened.

Snotlout made her move her arm back ever so slightly by muttering "Sheesh. Okay, Mrs. Bossy."

But Ruffnut was the one who made the biggest impact.

Dramatically bringing her fist up to her mouth, she coughed. Normally, a cough wouldn't affect her in any way (even if she was stressed out) but the cough sounded a lot like-

"Respect!"

And her grip on the axe loosened.

 _You have no respect for the people around you who are just trying to help. You have no respect for Fishlegs, certainly none for Snotlout, and you couldn't have less respect for the two of us!_

Astrid sighed. She turned around and mumbled, "S-...sor-ry. I'm sorry."

 _Oh please. You can barely even say it._

She shook her head. The twins probably had no idea how much their words had hit her.

Because, she had realized, they were right.

"What - what do you guys - have in mind? Only the best ideas, please!"

She didn't think she'd be able to bear their _discarded_ ideas.

Snotlout grinned. "A surprise party!"

"A good idea," Astrid mused, "but not very practical. His birthday is in two days, he'd definitely catch on to something, I mean where are we even going to _hold_ the surprise birthday?"

"How about the clubroom?" Fishlegs suggested, still looking as though the axe-wielder planned to carry out her threat.

"And how do we keep him from the clubroom?" asked Tuffnut, pointing out the main problem. "Half of his inventing thingamajigs are in there."

Fishlegs responded, "But he hasn't been using his "thingamajigs" lately. He's just been staring at the Maces and Talons board, asking us to play him with the Maces and Talons board, -"

"Maybe he wants to _marry_ the Maces and Talons board," quipped Ruffnut enthusiastically.

Sometimes Astrid wondered if her friends were 19 _years_ old or 19 _minutes_ old.

"Guys, _focus_. The main part of this birthday surprise is to REMOVE his attention from the fact that we lost to Viggo. So, the day after tomorrow, no one should even _think_ about saying 'Maces and Talons.' Understood?"

"Understood," they all chimed together.

"Good. Any ideas on how to distract him?"

Snotlout spoke up again. "How about Tuff takes him to find that creepy weredragon thing?"

"The Lycanwing?" Astrid asked, brow furrowed. "He knows that's fake. Why would he agree?"

"Got any better ideas, Astrid?" he fired back.

She scowled. "Say I do. One of us could offer to take him on a vacation for a few days."

Ruffnut scoffed. "He'll never agree to that. Instead he'll be all like," she adjusted her voice to do another Hiccup impression. " _Guys, what if the dragon hunters attack_? _Don't you guys understand that myleg can't take that pressure?_ _Blah, blah, blah."_

The rest of the riders stared. "Where did the leg come from?" Snotlout asked.

"He cares about his leg."

"And...besides that?"

"No reason. Or should I say, no _good_ reason."

Tuffnut shrugged. "How about we just let him go everywhere in the island except the clubroom? With the new Maces and Talons obsession he has -"

Ruff injected. "Because he is _totally_ in love with the board."

"Right, that's why. It shouldn't be a problem."

Astrid thought for a moment or two before saying, "That idea's actually got some merit. Nice job, guys."

"Hey," said Snotlout, crossing his arms, "The party was _my_ idea."

Fishlegs rolled his eyes. "Because I'm sure nobody has _ever_ thought of a surprise party before."

"What do _you_ know, Guppylegs?"

"Plenty more than you, um, Snotlout."

As everyone was about to start firing at each other again, the shield maiden resumed thinking quietly. They would have to put up shields, and clean everything up, and...and other things.

Hiccup Haddock, Astrid thought fiercely, you are going to have the best birthday of your life, Viggo or no Viggo, Lycanwing or no Lycanwing, Dragon Eye or no Dragon Eye.

She would make sure of it.

Oh sure, Hiccup _usually_ woke up alarmingly, but at least Toothless would _stop_ bumping into him after he woke up.

Tuffnut just _kept on_ singing.

 _"Today it is your birthday and I sing to let you know, that you will be Chief for the day, whatever you say goes."_

Toothless covered his ears, and Hiccup really felt like doing the same.

Tuffnut grinned, very… _maniacally,_ in a way that would have made him whimper if he was his enemy.

"You're about to have the best day ever! ARE. YOU. READY?"

"Er, no. Not really. Honestly, Tuff, it's not that big of a deal. You really don't have to –"

"Oh, young Hiccup. Or should I say, _older_ Hiccup. You are officially four!"

Hiccup scowled. "I'm _twenty."_

"Four."

"Twenty."

"You shan't argue with your elders."

"I'm _older_ than you!"

"No, you are not. See, I am nineteen. And you…you are four."

Hiccup groaned loudly. "Fine. I'm four. What exactly have you, er, _planned?"_

He was afraid. _Very_ afraid.

Tuffnut opened his mouth to sing again. Hiccup exchanged a grimace with Toothless as he began.

" _You've never had a real birthday before."_

Oh dear _Thor._

" _Except of course the ones you spent building in the forge._

 _"So we're here way too late,"_ he sang on, gesturing to outside the window, where Ruffnut was standing.

She opened the window and continued. " _To help you celebrate. And be your birthday dates, if we may."_

"Guys, uh, this is really…nice, but I don't think I'm even _feeling_ all that well today. Wouldn't want you getting a cold."

"We'll be _fine,"_ Ruff drawled. " _Besides,"_

 _"A cold never bothered us anyway."_

When Stoick went into the clubroom after landing Skullcrusher outside, he was surprised to see the preparation was going well. "Astrid!" he boomed out, beaming.

When she saw him, she smiled. "I'm glad you're here, Chief. How have you been?"

"Well, especially knowing I've got nothing to worry about when Hiccup is with you lot."

She looked alarmed, all of a sudden. "Hiccup didn't see you guys coming, did he?"

"No," said Gobber from behind him, "But we sure saw him. Looked right terrified, the lad did. The twins were leading him around."

Astrid smiled. "They're also _singing_ to him. Their own idea. It should keep him busy."

"We need help here, Astrid!" Fishlegs called out.

"Stormfly, spine shot!" And the shields were perfectly in place.

Stoick smiled. She wasn't like Valka in terms of thought and actions. But he saw the same fire in Astrid Hofferson as he had in his own wife. Hiccup must see it too.

Plus, that Yaknog of hers really _was_ terrible. Oh no, she was putting it on the table…

This girl really _was_ going to be his future daughter-in-law.

Toothless had decided to stay in Hiccup's room. It was not _his_ birthday; there was no reason for him to endure that torture. Instead, he pondered on what _he_ could give his best friend on his birthday.

He walked around Hiccup's room, bumping into things here and there. (Hiccup wouldn't care about that old prototype of Dragon Fly 5, would he?).

He stopped in front of the game his friend had been obsessing over lately. _Maces and Talons,_ everyone called it.

Toothless didn't like it. And he thought it made Hiccup look sick and tired.

So, for his birthday present, he knocked the board over, and broke it.

It was nearly sunset. Hiccup was _exhausted._

The twins, however, looked as though they were just getting _started._

"Guys, look, I really _do_ appreciate this, but Viggo could attack any moment now, and-"

"Viggo," Ruff began, "is an idiot."

"Yeah," Tuff agreed. "He can go turn into an octopus for all we care. And we don't _care."_

"Too right we don't!"

"I – I appreciate all this, you guys giving me gifts, showing me to parts of the island that I've already seen, and I know what you guys are doing, so you can give it up."

Tuffnut squirmed nervously. "What are we doing?"

Ruffnut elbowed him.

"You guys are distracting me from my stress. I don't need it."

"Alright, guys," Astrid hissed, "I can hear him coming. Hiding places!"

Everyone basically _dove_ somewhere, including Toothless, who Astrid had gotten from Hiccup's hut.

The door opened.

"SURPRISE!"

Astrid all but whooped, but when she saw their mistake, she gasped and moaned.

" _Guys!"_ Fishlegs moaned. "You made us spill all the confetti! And the streamers! You were supposed to come in _with_ Hiccup!"

Tuffnut crossed his arms. "Then _we_ wouldn't get to yell surprise. Duh."

At _that_ precise moment, Hiccup chose to enter the room.

Only to see everyone arguing and shouting at each other, with a big banner that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY HICCUP!" hanging above them. He looked at the food table, horrified to see yaknog, but pleased to see other delightful treats. He saw a stack of presents at the table, all labeled (in really bad handwriting, most of them): To Hiccup.

And then it made _sense._

The twins weren't trying to relieve his stress; they had been _distracting_ him (if he ever found out who thought of the singing idea…). All of this, _all of this,_ was for _him._

Hiccup began to laugh.

Everyone gradually stopped, at the noise of joy, and looked at the auburn – haired boy who was clutching his stomach and trying desperately not to fall down.

Toothless smiled his gummy smile.

And then, everyone, excluding the birthday boy of course, shouted for the second time.

"SURPRISE!"

Astrid ran up to him, and for a fleeting moment, Hiccup thought she was going to _kiss_ him, when she drew back her fist, and punched him lightly on the shoulder.

"Happy birthday, you dork."

"Thanks," he smiled, the first genuine smile in a while.

The smile quickly turned into a pained expression as Stoick crushed him from behind and started laughing.

" _Dad,"_ he wheezed out, " _Thanks. Can you please…let...go now?"_

His father complied, but kept laughing. "Happy Birthday, son."

"Thanks, dad," he sheepishly grinned as he rubbed his ribs with a wince. Gobber walked up to him next. "This had better be a good party, lad. I had to shower."

"Yeah, I think Ruff and Tuff mentioned that in one of their songs…"

After everyone said their 'happy birthday's and their 'haha, you're still five's or in Snotlout's case, 'you're growing up, baby cousin' even though he was the _younger_ cousin, after all that, Hiccup sought out his best friend.

"Hey, bud," he said softly, sitting down. "Some party, right?"

Toothless snorted, in agreement or disagreement he didn't know. And he nuzzled up to his stomach. "I'm glad they did it, though."

Toothless gave him a look that clearly said " _You and your friends are absolutely crazy."_

Hiccup chuckled. "You're right, bud. That's why we're friends."

 **This is the most I've ever written in one go...**

 **And I forced myself to download a program that doesn't let you do anything else until you type a certain amount. Because...yeah.**

 **Technically, Hiccup is going to be FIVE, not four, but this is RTTE, so, he just turned four XD**


End file.
